I’m laying in bed listening to the sound of my heartbeat in my ears.
For a while, I lived the life that I perceived others to be living around me. I disconnected from the world. I had a routine. I had the kind of home where one could return to after a long day at work, sleep and repeat. There was passion lacking in my soul. It was lacking in the air that I breathed. I felt dull, stuck, unfulfilled and incomplete. I wanted to find the love of my life, I wanted to explore, I wanted so much more than I had. I was terrified of dying alone and I still am.
So I went out into the world – small steps at first, then larger until I was taking leaps; falling from a plane in the sky, traversing thousand-year old glaciers and standing at the edge of the world. All of this in search of the elusive thing that’s missing from my life. Compelled by the mystery – the promise of something that will feel like home, that will warm me from the inside, that will make my spirit soar and drive me to achieve all that I want to achieve.
I don’t know what it looks like. It’s not just one thing… it’s many. It shapeshifts, it slips through my fingers. Sometimes I can see it and then it’s gone again.
I’m in pursuit of a dream. I know that I can make it real. It weaves its way through my very existence. I see it in the sunset, the sunrise, misty mountains, icy fjords and everything in between.
It beckons me but I feel like there is so much farther to go from here.
I’m not quite sure where I am on the timeline of my journey or whether I’ll make it.
I am immersed in a sea of faces but ultimately, I can’t shake this feeling of being completely alone.
What’s out there for me?